It occurred to me today that maybe it’s time to stop striving to be better than I am, to make this life, this family better than it already is.
Maybe it’s time to stop, sink back into this La-Z-Boy recliner called life and get comfortable.
Let’s face it, Lord willing, I’m going to be here a while.
I think I strive so hard because I know as long as I’m reaching, no one, including myself, can accuse me of failing. Not arriving yet is acceptable, failing is not.
Have you ever sat back on a squishy couch or super comfy La-Z-Boy, gotten situated just right, but then when it was time to get up, you couldn’t?
The seat was so comfy, so accommodating, that it all but swallowed you and didn’t want to spit you back out when you were ready to put the pedal to the metal?
That’s where I am, except I never did the sinking in thing – as soon as I felt myself sinking in, I started flailing.
Flailing takes a lot of energy, let me tell you.
And I so need to stop.
I so need to take in what’s right in front of my face today without planning just how in the heck I’m going to answer the whispering of tomorrow.
I sat back in that La-Z-Boy last night for a few minutes. I watched six of my kiddos emerge from the Suburban, running full speed to the playground. I sat on a park bench with my husband, listened to him say, “I love you,” and watched Seth (3) take Bella (4) by the hand saying, “Come on, Bella, let’s race,” as my other kids dug furiously in the sand. And the thought came so clearly that I had to speak it aloud, “This is what I’ve always wanted.”
“This is what I’ve always wanted.”
THIS IS WHAT I”VE ALWAYS WANTED.
I don’t have to fight for it anymore. It’s right here, right now, and it’s time to get comfy.